This part:“But the refusal itself was a small, boring act of love, the one that says I’ve got you even when you’re furious with me.” Yes. 😭
I’ve got two daughters— one is 16, the other is 12. I’d like to say that I have parented them both the same way… and at the same time I think that’s the problem. Bc it’s so much easier to parent one than the other. My youngest is the harder one to parent. I constantly feel like I’m terrible at being her mom but I am doing my best. Sometimes my best might suck a little… but… I’m a mom who is human.
What your therapist recommended from you— the telling her stories about you— I second this. I always say that I am an unfiltered, uncensored mother. Some people would side eye me and gasp at the things I talk about with my kids and that’s fine with me… but I’d rather them hear it from me, and yes that includes mistakes I’ve made, than learn it on their own. And at the same time, some shit they just are gonna have to learn on their own and I must let them… it’s such a shitty concept when you just wanna fix it for them bc you love them so much but also you want them to learn and grow on their own.
These are just rambles of my thoughts as I read through your post. 😆
Oh man yes…I DO see you!! I totally agree about the unfiltered mess, I try to be as real as possible and give it to her as straight as I can so that she will KNOW…I don’t want others giving her the real deal and mine is just a sugar-coated protection cloak…that won’t help her at all…so I give her the real real and she’s pissed at me bc I’m “so mean” but at least she can trust me now;)
Ugh. Yes. TRUST. Even though I think they don’t actually realize it sometimes, that is the most important thing. However, it goes back and forth from them believing/trusting us to thinking we don’t know a damn thing… Until we do again. 😂
Wow, I've gotta admit at first I was on the daughter's side to get the wolf cut. If that's who she is, then that's who she is, I thought. But then as you explained your own story and how you think she's following in your footsteps--that, in a nutshell, you think she's using the wolf cut as a magic spell like you say, that really she's just anxious--that was a really interesting insight. And it had such a happy ending, that she found a friend even without the wolf cut 🧡
I mean yeah! I’m all for funky cuts and colors (temporary for now) but it’s when I see the motivation behind it and KNOW she won’t love it, I had to put the kabosh on it🤦♀️😹 she barely brushes her hair, much less spend the time to actually style that kind of haircut!
I SEE YOU.
And in this I also know I am seen.
Fuck.
This part:“But the refusal itself was a small, boring act of love, the one that says I’ve got you even when you’re furious with me.” Yes. 😭
I’ve got two daughters— one is 16, the other is 12. I’d like to say that I have parented them both the same way… and at the same time I think that’s the problem. Bc it’s so much easier to parent one than the other. My youngest is the harder one to parent. I constantly feel like I’m terrible at being her mom but I am doing my best. Sometimes my best might suck a little… but… I’m a mom who is human.
What your therapist recommended from you— the telling her stories about you— I second this. I always say that I am an unfiltered, uncensored mother. Some people would side eye me and gasp at the things I talk about with my kids and that’s fine with me… but I’d rather them hear it from me, and yes that includes mistakes I’ve made, than learn it on their own. And at the same time, some shit they just are gonna have to learn on their own and I must let them… it’s such a shitty concept when you just wanna fix it for them bc you love them so much but also you want them to learn and grow on their own.
These are just rambles of my thoughts as I read through your post. 😆
I really loved this one!
Oh man yes…I DO see you!! I totally agree about the unfiltered mess, I try to be as real as possible and give it to her as straight as I can so that she will KNOW…I don’t want others giving her the real deal and mine is just a sugar-coated protection cloak…that won’t help her at all…so I give her the real real and she’s pissed at me bc I’m “so mean” but at least she can trust me now;)
Ugh. Yes. TRUST. Even though I think they don’t actually realize it sometimes, that is the most important thing. However, it goes back and forth from them believing/trusting us to thinking we don’t know a damn thing… Until we do again. 😂
Wow, I've gotta admit at first I was on the daughter's side to get the wolf cut. If that's who she is, then that's who she is, I thought. But then as you explained your own story and how you think she's following in your footsteps--that, in a nutshell, you think she's using the wolf cut as a magic spell like you say, that really she's just anxious--that was a really interesting insight. And it had such a happy ending, that she found a friend even without the wolf cut 🧡
I mean yeah! I’m all for funky cuts and colors (temporary for now) but it’s when I see the motivation behind it and KNOW she won’t love it, I had to put the kabosh on it🤦♀️😹 she barely brushes her hair, much less spend the time to actually style that kind of haircut!
🥰 It is SO hard to watch them go through life’s challenges! What a gift you have in your journals to share with her! 🩷