Setting the Table: Vol. 24
A thousand more freckles, finding her words & just getting started
Every Thursday, I'm setting the table for your weekend…a little collection of reads, recipes, fun things, and whatever else caught my eye this week. It's the moment before the chaos when you get to decide what kind of experience you want. NOT a to-do list…just really sweet possibilities.
I landed back in New York last weekend with a slight tan…a thousand more freckles…a full heart…and ZERO desire to open my laptop or scroll on my phone.
That’s some straight-up vacation math, isn’t it?! You spend the whole trip slowly unwinding, finding your way back to yourself, and then just on the other side of the door…real life is standing there waiting for you to return, arms crossed, to-do lists ready, loaded schedule be-damned. Yas and I were just talking about how we could possibly hold onto the pace of the last week…the slower mornings, the hours that weren’t assigned, actual moments for rest and breathing. How can we weave it back into our reality…before all those good vibes just evaporate into the hustle of the work week?
Summer always brings such a wave of inspiration for me…everything moves differently in the sun, in the warmth…I get hyper-motivated to try new things, to learn something new. Before I knew it, I was googling drop-in dance classes, pottery wheel sessions (my pottery session from last summer pictured above). I want to do something with my hands that isn’t cooking and something with my body that isn’t running from one appointment to the next. I want to be a newb at something again…something that has nothing to do with work.
Like tonight, I am going to a writing event at Kitchen Arts & Letters here in NYC to hear from one of my favorites, Ruth Reichl, and others. Going by myself, a little fly-on-the-wall moment…and the kind of event that past-Jess wouldn’t dare go to alone…but, this…this will be fun and out of that comfort zone that feels a little too small these days. Do you ever feel that way too? What are some fun new things you’ve tried?
Last night I realized…I’ve officially surpassed 50…5-0…published posts on The Table Between since January.
Fifty times I’ve sat down and decided to do the damn thing, Thursdays and Sundays. I write because the alternative is carrying it all around in my closed fist…a ticking time bomb of emotions…the pent-up feelings, the observations, the tightness in my chest, the big feelings and emotions that this recovering people-pleaser would otherwise just bury down deep inside and keep hidden. Writing…well, it’s how I open my hand…it’s been more therapeutic than I could’ve ever imagined, and I’ve met SO many amazing people and writers along the way. Substack has truly been a game-changer for me.
And yet…it can also feel profoundly isolating on this side of the screen. I hit publish, and sometimes the silence that follows is just enough to send me into a tailspin of self-doubt and wondering if any of it even matters. And then…someone responds, someone leaves a comment or restacks, or “hearts” the post, or sends a note that they forwarded it to their sister…and it turns out the table…my table…actually has guests. Every single moment of engagement…I mean it when I say it’s the salve for whatever is still healing inside me…every single time.
Thank you for being here, for pulling up a chair… 50 times at this table.
The best part? I’m just getting started.
Let’s set the table, friends ♥
THE GRAZING PLATE
(quick bites, short reads, things to nibble on)
low-effort things that are actually good for your nervous system from Ayushi Thakkar —
“sometimes, the nervous system needs the lights lowered and everyone to stop asking questions for twenty minutes.” This was a perfect read for me on my re-entry back to the work grind after vacation last week. A great list of low-lift things that actually do something for your brain when everything feels a little louder than it should. This is where I’d start the weekend.Why Don’t European Women Hate Their Bodies? from Rachel in Italia —
Rachel Signer is a writer living in Italy, and this one started with what she noticed on European beaches: women playing badminton topless with all their bits moving around and zero fucks to be given or apologies to be made. She goes on to ask the bigger question of how we can raise daughters…in America…to avoid spending their twenties at war with their own reflection. With Millie heading into middle school in the fall, I’m thinking a lot about what I want to model for her before the world gets a chance to start chipping away at it.
THE UTENSILS
(tools, recipes or things that help you do the work)
The Steady Table —
While we were home in Blythewood, I got to see my Nanny Sis. She actually looked a lot better than I’d expected…she just laid in her hospital bed, quietly, her eyes moving slowly around the room…looking…searching the faces staring back at her for any remembrance, present but somewhere just past the reach of words. I think there were flashes where she did, in fact, recognize us. She would tear up, and there was a glimmer of familiarity. When it was time to leave, I looked her in the eyes and said: “I love you so much.” She looked at me, and the glimmer appeared again. She found her words and said I love you, too. In that moment…she knew me.
This piece is about the table that holds…what it means to feed someone when language has left the room, the act of cooking as the thing that has steadied me when everything else shifted beneath, and why I keep setting this table every single week.
THE VESSELS
(what holds us, what gives our chaos shape and space)
Toothpaste & Tears: Grief Before My Eyes Open from mind on the loose —
Tina Lance quit her job as a CPA in New York, traveled solo through India for a year, became a professional acrobat, and now lives in Italy. (so badass…) This piece is a single morning in her apartment…the thrashing around before her eyes open, the specific weight of whatever she’s carrying that day, crying while brushing her teeth with the windows letting in the Northern Italian light. “Nothing is really wrong. But also nothing is right.” She writes about the emotional freedom of living alone with your own feelings, no one there to interrupt them or ask you to explain yourself. I found her on Substack recently, and her words pulled me in.The Fading Line from Rhythm’s —
On the slow erosion of how you’re seen by someone you trusted, and the strange quiet beauty that survives the fall. Hina Gondal is so talented and writes with real tenderness about losing your worth in the eyes of someone close and what comes after.
THE GLASSWARE
(the bubbles, the refreshment, what quenches)
Is It Too Late to Try Something Different? from You’d Like Her —
May is amazing and just happens to be someone I’ve met in person…I love how her brain works. This episode is about work exchanges…the totally under-discussed world of traveling and living there for free in exchange for your skills…at any age, at any point in your career. She cold-called her way into living at a yoga retreat in exchange for building their marketing strategy…lived in France for free…and even worked on a farm. She’s gathered all the helpful links and resources in one place. Coming home from vacation, wanting to try new things, this one felt like a green light to dream a little bigger, you know?
THE NAPKIN
(for wiping away the week’s mess, the reset)
If No One Is Coming to Save You, No One Is Coming to Stop You Either from The Secret Life of Leyla —
On responsibility, fear, and the freedom of realizing permission was never required. Whew…I read this one a few times…The same logic that means no one’s coming to save you is the logic that means nothing is actually stopping you either. Read this one when moments feel heavy or you feel stuck.The Roles We Write for People from Kodit ja vuoret —
A quiet, ruminative piece about the roles we cast for the people in our peripheral lives…the stories we build around them and what those stories say more about us than about them. I found this one through the recommendation feed, and it really resonated with me and the expectations I sometimes put on those around me (and they have zero idea I’m holding them to those or that I’m being disappointed by those hidden expectations not being met). Such a good read.
THE DESSERT PLATE
(the sweet stuff, pure joy, no justification needed)
Why men don’t like women’s writing from Baba Was A Witch —
So many interesting takes in this one piece…did you know that among the top 10 bestselling female authors, 81% of readers are women and only 19% are men? For the top 10 bestselling male authors, it’s nearly 50/50. Women read across the gender line. Men, statistically, do not. Linda traces that same bias into who rises on Substack…a piece that makes the invisible structure visible…read it alongside the Celeste Davis piece below.Why Harry Styles Can Wear a Dress, Why Everyone Thinks Mormon Men Are Gay, and Why Male Actors Are So Needy from Matriarchal Blessing —
Celeste Davis makes the case that masculinity works like a credit score…constantly recalculated, publicly assessed, something that can be earned and lost. Like, how can Harry Styles wear sequins, and a 14-year-old in rural Iowa can’t do the same thing without it costing him something huge? Really interesting piece…the most fun I’ve had reading this week.
Happy Thursday, turkeys!
More soon. xo, Jess
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Setting the Table drops every Thursday. Long-form essay on Sundays…the perfect read for…I don't know…maybe with that cup of coffee you'll have first thing in the morning. See you there. ♥
Welcome back and this is beautiful ❤️