the dust rises and settles
from the dirt roads
in rural south carolina
with one stoplight
and a thousand judgements
disguised as
bless your hearts
the way it is
the way it’s always been
no room for why

the gravel ones lead
in and out of my childhood home
close my eyes,
and I still hear
the rattling rudiments of the pebbles
the backbeats under tires
the familiar melody
brings me back
to myself

the never-finished roads
of Charlotte
the queen city
who has yet to define herself
before redefining
I was stuck there
in that same loop
before finding
my way out
her definitions
never quite fit

the streets lined with giants
and lights that glow
constant
a persistent noise
a hum of life
and of struggle
pulled me in
like a siren

my 6am walk to work
those busy streets
where smiles pass by
the same nameless neighbors
each day

the faint but stifling heat
rising from subway grates
no matter the season
the clouds that pour
from each crack and crevice
settle on my skin
opening me up
to the most me
I’ve ever been

the roads that led me here
loosed my grip
of control
of fear
of what if
and forced me to
keep going
never backward
and finally
brought me
to myself

on the outside
in my words
my actions
my face
I am a woman who moves
who does
who can

beneath her
something else
holds the throat
tightens the chest
white-knuckled
reaching deep
and wide

it keeps her hidden
and small
and quiet
a cold silence
cooling from the depths

until
the little one
there in the corner
bare feet on wet stone
fans the embers
the ones that sparked
from before

the flames grow
warming from beneath
pulling the silence
to the surface
looking for a place
to seep out
making way

a prescribed burn

the sun with its rays

pressing

its burning kiss

etching its marks

on my cheeks

my nose

my arms

leaving behind constellations

of memories

wounds

refusing to be

forgotten

joys

heartache

doubt

longing

uncertainty

knowing

marks I earned

A scattering of sun-dust

its light freckling me

from the inside

out

This light

that shaped & marked me

isn’t buried beneath the skin

It finds its way back out

shining through every mark

a thousand pinpricks

tiny windows

for anyone

to find me

lit from within